Wild ocean

You’re stuck there, like a boat tied to the shore. The waves come and go, like the days and nights, but you are still in the same space, unable to move, unable to make sense of anything. You wonder, will you ever be free from this living hell? Will you ever be able to let the waves take you away in wild adventures and never look back? You’ve been running away from life for very long, and now you wonder, will you ever be able to go out and face the world again? Even the thought of it seems terrifying now. You’re scared, lost, and lonely. They tell you it’s all your fault, you chose this life, and to some extent it is, but how do you fight the constant battle that resides within? Sometimes you win, but you mostly fail. There’s this sadness, that keeps weighing you down like stones tied to your feet, and sometimes all you could do is stay in the dark and hope to be rescued. But, how can someone rescue you, when the shore feels like home to you? How can someone rescue you, when the wild ocean seems like a distant dream to you? The roughness of the waves scare you, and you’re afraid of being lost in the wilderness of the ocean. What’s disturbing is, you’re not afraid of being in the shore forever, but you’re afraid of being back in the ocean.

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Love and grace

“Happiness cannot be travelled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.” – Denis Waitley

The red haired girl

She was 12,when she came across a dusty worn out book in the school library, it’s pages a shade of yellow autumn leaves, worn out, it’s strange decaying scent, making her fall in love, making her heart melt. She ran her fingers over the pages, wondering how many people traveled through it’s phrases, wondering how many people found themselves enticed by it. She clutched the book between her hands, found a quiet corner near the window, with the warm and mellow sunshine falling on her face, and the dusty pages. She devoured one word after another, traveling to a faraway island, with green gables, and blooming wild cherry trees, seeing the world through the eyes of a red haired girl with green starlit eyes. The avenue wasn’t just an avenue for the red haired girl, she called it – the White Way of Delight. The pond wasn’t just a pond for her, she called it – the Lake of Shining Waters. She dreamt of being a bride in all white, with a lovely misty veil. Her highest ideal of earthly bliss was a pretty dress. She dreamt of having a beautiful rose-leaf complexion and starry violet eyes. Her imagination drove her to places undefined.

As she reached the end of the book, the reality hit her like rough ocean waves, and she felt her heart ache, how she wished, the green gables was where she could forever stay.

A dark fairytale

She was alluring, the fairy of darkness With luminous green eyes, and scarlet lips

She did peculiar magic, with her slender finger tips

But, she never wore a dazzling smile, for she was deserted and uncherished

There was no one, to listen to her tragically enchanting stories

She paced back and forth, in a goomy dark cave she called home

Bitter tears flowing down her crimson cheeks as she roamed

Her lingering sadness had dried her wings up

And she couldn’t fly no more

She waited and waited, for someone to help her out

Years went by, and the fairy lost her magnetizing youth

Withered she was, in her solitude

She lay in the rocky floor, smiling

For she was finally going to get away

From the miserable life, she could take no more

Her eyelids closed

And as she departed, the cave was filled with rays of blinding golden light

Her grief slowly dissolved into the air, the fairy of darkness was finally spared.

Crossroads

We’ll meet again, at the crossroads of our lives and dreams

We’ll meet again, when the sky is a little less grey, and the wind is a little less harsh

You’ll be wearing a dark blue t-shirt, me, a bright pink tee

Your fragrance will melt my bones

Your touch will make my broken wings heal

Slowly we’ll dissolve, into another world, into molecules

We’ll sparkle so bright, that clusters of stars will come down to earth to witness the miracle

We’ll meet again, out beyond the ideas of rightdoings and wrongdoings

We’ll meet again, when I’ll be a little less broken, and you a little less dark

You’ll smile that crooked smile, I’ll crack those lame jokes

You’ll pull my nose until it’ll become cherry red I’ll look at you, a little annoyed

You’ll point out my imperfections and flaws I’ll laugh it off

You’ll be fire, I’ll be earth

You’ll set my soul ablaze

You’ll be a drumstick, my heart, a drum

You’ll make it beat louder, with each thump

We’ll meet again, when I’ll be a little more wise, you a little less dumb

We’ll meet again, at the crossroads of our lives and dreams.

Island of darkness

She dreams of fading away into oblivion, with nothing but peacefulness and tranquility,where there are no limits, no boundaries, just infinite darkness and nothingness. There’s no right and no wrong, only souls seeking solace. There’s no sadness, and no blissfulness, just eternal rest. She dreams of dissolving into nothingness, for that’s the only way to stop the voices inside her head. The voices have been growing louder lately, gnawing at her, making her transform from her best self to her worst possible self. They have become overpowering, and they stay with her like a loyal friend, she feels like there’s mist inside her head, and no sense of calmness and clarity. The voices have grabbed a microphone now, and her soul cries out loud for help. But, the voices have already won, and there’s no way out of the deserted island. For, the island feels like home now, no matter how deadly it is, and the world out there, seems terrifying. Maybe the island will finally consume her, like it consumed all those melancholic souls who found themselves stranded in it, maybe she’ll be one of those skeletons, which are her only company in the island of darkness. She tries to think of those, who escaped from the deathly clutches of the island, who won over the devastating voices, who call themselves fighters, warriors and what not, she tries to hear their stories of finding the way back to light, but the silence of the skeletons around her is defeaning. So she finally lets go, of all hopes and all dreams, of all madness and the defeaning voices, she finally lets go, of everything.

Symphony of love and light

Where are you lost?’, you ask, your eyes reflecting concern and curiosity, as you stir your coffee. I keep staring out of the window, at the peaceful sunlit meadow, as the afternoon sunshine touches my face, and lights up my otherwise dark home. ‘Does it scare you, the thought of never being able to move forward in life?’, I ask, taking a sip of the bitter coffee. ‘No, I don’t think that will ever happen to me, or anyone, I think. For, people always find some way to move ahead, no matter how slow the process is. The sun rises everyday, the sun sets. Life goes on, time heals the deepest wounds.’

But, what if there’s some invisible force holding you back? And even the idea of moving forward feels like pushing mountains?’

Then you keep pushing yourself, make yourself better, one day at a time, and gather all the love and support you need, to finally step outside and see the glorious world that awaits.’

I look away, silently sipping my coffee,wishing my desire to live blissfully was strong enough to pull me out of the darkness I have pushed myself in. You are looking at the grassy meadow now, lost in your own world. As the sunlight touches your face, it makes your features look even more beautiful. I close my eyes and lean back, tired of myself.

You reach out for my hand, and hold it tight. Your hands are warm, soothing my cold skin. I open my eyes and find you looking at me, your eyes filled with love and tenderness. I wish I felt something, but my eyes are always cold, and my heart, numb.

Will you dance with me?’, you ask softly, your lips curving into a smile. ‘You mean, right now?’ ‘Yes.’ You don’t wait for my reply, and pull me off the chair. I giggle, as you pull me close, and place my hand on your shoulder. ‘Where’s the music?’, I ask, as we keep swaying slowly. ‘We are dancing to the song of life girl, can’t you hear the music?’, you say giddily. ‘Not right now, but maybe I slowly will.’, I smile and you pull me closer. I hide my face in your chest and wrap my arms around you. You smell like lavender and musk, and I inhale your fragrance, feeling all warm inside. You pull away and look into my eyes, and it breaks my heart to see so much love in them, which I can never be able to return. You trace my face tenderly, and kiss my forehead, pulling me back into the warm embrace. We stay like that, holding each other tight, unable to let go.

I hold you tighter, hoping to finally hear the song of life, and the symphony of love, light and magic.